Do you know that feeling, the one you get in your gut, when something so exciting is unfolding but there is still the “unknown” factor. That thing that makes your stomach flip flop with uncertainty, the feeling that you really have no idea whats to come but you know its gonna be good. It is an uncomfortable feeling that either forces us outside of our comfort zone towards our dreams or it stops us dead in our tracks.
Ohh the uncomfortable feelings of growth, expansion and possibly life changing events. I use to rebel against this feeling, categorizing it as too much to handle. But then I realized every time I experienced it and every time I stopped what I was doing…. I didn’t get any further into my project… Imagine that!!
In order for me to continue when I have the uncomfortable feeling of growth I had to change my association of what that feeling meant. Instead of pain I now view it as pleasure. No I am not masochist by any means and I dislike physical pain as much as the next person, but now I know the flip flopping stomach, the jitters and occasionally the anxiety is leading me in the right direction. Because of such feelings I have come to a place of being comfortably uncomfortable in situations.
So what are you going to do next time you feel uncomfortable and unsure?
Working so hard towards something, a goal, a dream, a requirement. It’s what kept me moving throughout the early years and what motivates me still to this day. So why, when all is said and done, does it become difficult to take that one last step, not off an object but instead to reach success?
I became self sabotaging over the years. Addicted to the struggle towards the end goal but then fearfull of accomplishing it. Why? Who knows why, for all different reasons. Fear is ever changing.
We become addicted to the struggle, addicted to the idea and the outcome. Yet once we reach a point of almost accomplishment we become self conscious. Of our self, our project and our success. We fear judgment on the final outcome and we fear the unknown, what happens after success. We fear acceptance or lack there of and having someone dissect what we just poured all of our energy into
I know all to well the feeling of self sabotaging. Most of the time it isn’t necessarily conscious. I have worked long and hard on projects that were very important to me and very special, but when I reached the end I procrastinate on making that one last phone call, editing the last page or clip and sending the final project off. Leaving my passion, the thing I poured my heart and soul into, sitting all alone in a closet, on a desktop or in the hard drive.
After trying to resolve the anxiety of finishing a project I came to my own realization. When I have the anxiety, when I have the fear of judgment, when I’m not sure about finishing a project or I am procrastination I know that it’s the time to act. To stand up to the fear of Success and instead embrace it. That feeling of fear never perminantly leaves me, Instead it retreats until I reach the end of yet another project or goal. Once I near the end of a project that fear is always present, now instead of succumbing to it I allow it to fuel my desire to finish, eliminating that awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach. This leads me to one of my favorite quotes right now “Don’t be afraid to give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted in life” The Fear limits us, but it can also propel us to accomplish more and actually finish.
Sometimes the fear of success far outweighs the fear of failure! Conquering that fear takes more courage than accepting failure. I’m up to the challenge.
Posted in Adventure, General, Inspiration, Jumps, Support
Tagged BASE girl, BASEgirl, Clair Marie, Clairmariebasegirl, Fear, fear of failure, fear or success, passion
As always I believe physical activity is incredibly important. And with that comes a renewed connection to life and nature when being active outside. With the first 80 degree day brought fun friends and snakes together. Yes snakes. Big scary snakes that like to just sit and watch the hikers/climbers. Just another part of the adventure!
When are you gonna get out side and keep that body moving?
Posted in Adventure, General, Inspiration, Sports Nutrition, Support
Tagged Adventure, BASE girl, BASEgirl, Clair Marie, friends, fun, hiking
I have been so fortunate in my life to have the support of some incredible people and companies. Having their support and encouragement is what helps me charge through life with a smile on my face. Thanks Mountain Wave Breck for the awesome gopros. You guys are rad and I can’t wait for my next BASE trip
Over the years I have thought many times that writing a book was something that was in my future. Initially I wanted to title my book “My Life… The Jerry Springer Episode” but after long and in-depth thought I came to my own conclusion that my life has had far too many positives for a title like that.
A few months ago I finally decided to embark on a journey of documenting some amazing times in my life and organizing them into a book with the intent of inspiring others to do what they love even in the face of hard times.
Listing my struggles and accomplishments, from my all time highs to my all time lows and how I got out of situations my book, which is still currently untitled, lays out my life and my life lessons.
Everyone struggles, but to me that just means that once I reach my gaol it will be that much sweeter. My book, I am proud to announce, Is being sent to the editor this week and will be available by the end of the month! The hardest part now is to pick a title and cover!
When I started BASE jumping back in 2005 I was one of only about 50 women world wide who were actively jumping. A number that is low to say the least. I remember time and time again going on BASE trips and being the only female surrounded by all the boys. Although hanging with the boys was entertaining and fun I always had a desire to see more females in the sport.
Over the past 7.5 years it has been so fun watching the new # of females enter the sport and absolutely crush it! Although the ratio of men to women in the sport is about the same, because the sport has grown the number of women is growing as well! So much to the point that there are women world records in BASE.
With my desire being to inspire other women to follow their dreams and passions no matter what they are I am absolutely giddy when I receive emails like I did yesterday which said “Thank you for the inspiration! First jump yesterday… So hooked. There are very few woman in this sport in (removed to protect privacy) so I’ve been taking inspiration from your Facebook page for a while now” Shortly after receiving this email I got to watch a video of one of my dear friends who made her first BASE jump as well!! Here is the video her boyfriend made of the experience.
Keep the amazing female energy in the sport and lets kick some butt ladies
Leaning over the edge, peering down into what looked like infinite darkness, I prepared myself with one last deep breath and with tremendous force my feet left the 2inches of steel that separated my body from my unknown. As my feet left I fell silently into darkness, hearing the crackles of the electricity sparking behind me the noise grew louder and louder and with a shot gun blast my body was cracked to a halt and the dead silence returned as I flew to the ground under a parachute for the very first time.
At the ripe old age of 16 I guess you could say that I presented myself with an opportunity of a lifetime. After years of research, countless hours of daydreaming and a drive within me I couldn’t even explain at that age, I found myself preparing for my very first BASE jump in the Northern California area. Standing on top of the 480ft electrical tower I was about to leap from for the very first time, I had to take a second to remember all the effort, tears and pain it took to get to that very spot. From a very young age I was inspired and enthralled with BASE jumping and everything that accompanies it. When I was 8 years old I saw a BASE video in my local ski resort and new that I had to experience that. From the age of 8 until 16 when I made my first jump I spent the majority of my time researching, reading about and watching videos of BASE jumping. When I wasn’t doing those things I was talking to anyone who would listen to me about my dreams of becoming a jumper. Most of which completely blew me off. I spoke with many jumpers about being mentored and the process to become a jumper. Many ignored my advances or told me straight up that I was too young and it would never happen for me. They nay-sayers and negative people only fueled my desire to accomplish my dreams and although some of them brought me to tears, not in front of them, with their harsh words and dismissing attitudes I continued to push forward full force.
Even with my driving attitude there were times of massive doubt and feelings of being distraught, broken down and seemingly hopeless. Many of my emotions were miss expressed as anger and increasing frustration. I quickly became a very guarded person, always assuming the worst when speaking with people and very self conscious because of all the people who told me my dreams were pipedreams and would never come to fruition. My viewpoint changed from a wide eyed girl who had the world in her hands to a jaded person who seemingly loathed the human race. I would say “I just hate people” yet I never stopped communicating with them to try to wiggle my way to the heart of my dream. In the wake of not knowing if I was ever going to reach my goal I was gifted an extreme sports video that was packed with clips of BASE jumping and skydiving. It renewed my energy almost immediately and I was able to adopt a better attitude towards what I wanted. Realizing that I will never have everyone’s approval or help, I might not even have 50% of the peoples support but that to me was obsolete because I knew BASE was in my blood and in my future. Around the same time I ran into a skier in my home town who had a stash bag holding his gear from a jump he had just made, surprisingly right behind my house, on the street. We chatted briefly about the sport and he told me to look up a specific person to ask about a BASE course. The feeling I had that moment is not one I will ever forget. I was so excited, elated to be exact and had this overwhelming sense of “oh my gosh, my dream is within reach”…. But I only had a name!
Feeding off the energy of thinking it was right around the corner I raced home to try and research said person. Unfortunately for me living in an incredibly small mountain town our dial up internet was something less than reliable and I was unable to make any form of connection. Because of my newly adopted attitude I refused to be anything but positive and in an effort to stick to my guns. I put in my extreme sports video once again to kill some time and day dream about me jumping off all of those objects. This time however was different, I looked at the entire case for the DVD for the first time and to my surprise the creator of the video had his email address printed very clearly on the back… and to my utter shock it was the same exact person the skier had told me to search out!!
The details of the next few weeks are so long and drawn out but before I knew it a date had been set and I was on my way to make my first jump with my boyfriend, a well renowned climber and guide expert. My introduction to my “mentor” was very brief and my instruction for my first jump was even shorter. Before I knew it I was told I was prepared and was loaded up into a big van with about 6 other people. The trip was a blur but the experience was blissful. After scaling barbwire fences, maneuvering around sleeping cows and making it over the “Do Not Enter” Gate that blocked the start to the climb I was well on my way. The entire climb up the antenna was progressively more exciting with each step I took and each rung I grabbed. On top of the tower I had so many thoughts about the process that were suppressed by the intense loud wind that was howling by us and the electrical static and crackling that was happening just below our feet. I was geared up with the assistance of my “mentor” and was told that I was the one who wanted to do this and there for I would have to be the first to jump. Reluctantly and nervously I agreed and I climbed under the rail and positioned myself of a 2inch piece of steel that ultimately and temporarily separated me from the black hole abyss that was just below. After 5 minutes of hesitation I took a deep breath, counted down and my feet left the antenna, the sound was incredibly quiet but got loud very quick as I fell, I threw the pilot chute which opened my parachute with a crack like a shot gun blast and it was quiet once again. Floating through darkness until I reached the ground and landed. I yelled back to the exit point “I have to do that again”. Right then and there I knew this wasn’t a once off type of thing but a life long activity for me to participate in! I knew that I had found one of my many callings and that jump was now a permanent fixture in my DNA pulsing through my veins. And so I have made it just that, a part of who I am and what I do.
The entire experience leading me up to my first jump was one of the biggest growth spurts I have had, no I am not talking about physically. I still stand at a tiny 5’4″, but instead a growth in personality, mental ability and growth in my soul finally feeling like I had found my place. I realized that what is worth doing is worth fighting for and there will always be people who not only don’t support the goals and dreams but people who will do anything in their power to not allow me … or you to experience it. I learned to harness that feeling of negativity and process it to be a positive in my life, a driving force that just adds horsepower to my desire to attain or accomplish my dreams. Through the tears and hardships I learned that if I truly want something and I want it for a pure reason… for myself then I will stop at nothing to get it. Through the process I learned that the people who don’t support and don’t encourage are not the kind of people I want to associate myself with because one bad seed can ruin the bunch. From that day on I knew that I had the power to shape my sport to be what I needed it to be for me and I am the only one who was responsible for chasing my dream and making it into my reality.
Posted in Adventure, General, Inspiration, Jumps, Support, Travel
Tagged BASE girl, base jump, BASEgirl, book chapter, Clair Marie, Clairmariebasegirl, first jump, life lessons