My feminist chapter… Not just for women!
Now I don’t consider myself to be a feminist in the socially constructed manner. I honestly never put much thought into the battles that feminists fight. Instead I march to my own drum and I do as I wish and as I please. (all with in reason) It is what truly makes me happy. I just don’t let people tell me I can’t do something.
I have always been repulsed by the term Princess! Not in the grammatically and socially correct manner, but when an individual calls a girl, woman and some times even a boy/man “princess” I literally want to vomit in my mouth.
So where does this visceral response originate from? Why does it bother me so much? Well first off society has put a label on what being a princess means. The typical meaning is that of entitlement and an all around bitch (pardon my french). But it goes much deeper then that. Labeling someone “Princess” automatically takes away her power(Hard to believe right?)… Her personal power diminishes, demoting her to an object or an idea of someone, who now, must be cared for. She becomes dependent upon her, for all intents purpose, King or Queen. Enlisting the help of other to do her bidding becomes the default setting. With entitlement comes a lack of self, work ethic and general wellbeing.
In addition, allowing someone to call us or refer to us as a princess is degrading and a true insult.
Being daddies little princess is something most girls grow up with. Why is this? Well in my opinion it is a way for a father and daughter to make the connection of protector and protected in a pretend world. But that sticks with us into our adult lives. Making us believe we always need a protector and someone to take care of us! So here we go into our adult lives with this idea, this concept engrained with in us that we need to be in constant search of the one that can and will care for us! This is what we base most of our relationships off of. In this we lose our true essence, that of power, drive and success. We willingly demote ourselves to a supporting roll rather then stepping up and taking the lead.
Now there is a polar opposite to this princess mentality and this would be the constant independent. Lets just roll with the royalty theme and name her, her own knight in shining armor. This is a woman who doesn’t need any help from any one…Ever… because she can do it herself. This person is equally as empty as the princess. Lost in a perpetual cycle of being let down by those around her who have programed her to never rely on anyone, because that just leads to disappointment. Although this type of person my be attractive at first one must realize because of this there is a shield or armor that she has allowed to cover her emotions and her true essence, making her impenetrable. This person who has a very developed masculine side is very capable, driven and usually successful but in the personal life lacking the deep connection that we as humans need.
So… How do we lose this princess mentality, but avoid becoming our own knight in shining armor? We need to learn once again to value our independence. Understand the fulfillment that comes with having our own success through hard work, drive and desire. We need to not be afraid to ask for help, understanding that asking for help does’t make us weak but instead it makes us calculated and intelligent. We need to understand that what we make for ourselves is so much sweeter then having something handed to us! Why? Because there is some amazing chemical reaction with in our bodies when we have a dream, a goal and then we do everything in our power to accomplish it. I like to call this growth and fulfillment.
Adopting a softer side doesn’t mean becoming a dependent but instead it highlights our femininity. Once again making us more powerful. There is not a single individual that isn’t drawn into a woman who is feminine, confident, driven, independent but isn’t afraid to ask for help. One who is open to loving deeply and is honest with herself and others. We need to understands that there are some things we can’t control and the best thing to do is leave it alone with the belief that it will work out how it is supposed to. The ability to gracefully relax in the face of stress. We will name this perfect blend, continuing with this theme, The Goddess. In essence this woman possesses all the good qualities of the princess and the knight, yet deflects the negative aspects. She is a force to be reckoned with and knows what true fulfillment is. She understands that Balance is the key to life. No one can take away the power that a true goddess possesses, no matter what situation, positive or negative, This one will stand true and stand tall!
What we truly need to know and understand is: We aren’t entitled to success, we work for it. We don’t deserve the biggest and the best, we seek out what OUR biggest and best is. We understand what we want and we go for it. We also know that sometimes we won’t get what we want when we want it regardless of our efforts and that is where a belief in ourselves will get us through it. We understand our downfalls and accept ourselves for who we are. In the process we accept others for who they are. We understand the importance of human connection. Being open to love on a deep level of fulfillment. We strive for more but are happy with what we have! Plan for the future but live in the now. (At least thats the idea right!)
So what does all this mean when it comes to a relationship?
Bottom line, We shouldn’t want someone to take care of us, but instead we should seek someone who will care about us. Not someone who needs us but someone who loves us. We don’t want to be prized, we should be loved and cherished. We shouldn’t be attracted to someones money, we should want their attention. A buddy to travel with, a best friend to laugh with, a lover to be intimate with and not just on a sexual level. A sounding board, a supporter who needs supporting as well. Someone with their own interests who, at the same time, doesn’t discredit our interests. Someone who is just them and allows us to be just us. We allow this person to help us when needed. Understand the needs and desires of both people are different. And once we learn this about one another and respect this aspect of us..Together. That is true relationship fulfillment.